Welcome to Joy Lab!: Welcome to the Joy Lab podcast, where we help you uncover and foster your most joyful self. Your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek, bring you the ideal mix of soulful and scientifically sound tools to spark your joy, even when it feels dark. When you're ready to experiment with more joy, combine this podcast with the full Joy Lab program over at JoyLab.coach
Henry: Hello, I am Henry Emmons and welcome to Joy Lab.
Aimee: And I am Aimee Prasek. So here at Joy Lab, we infuse science with soul to help you uncover joy. To do that we focus on building the elements of joy, the positive emotions and inner states that become the building blocks for a joyful life. So the element for this episode is resilience and of all our elements, resilience is probably the most natural and like the most natural in general. It's absolutely built in. We are wired to be resilient and you know, if you're like, Hey, you say that all the time for all the elements of joy. Yeah, that's why they're the elements of joy. You are built to be resilient and joyful.
So that wiring for resilience, is true really throughout the natural world. It's everywhere as nature adapts, to major changes and recovers from disasters like floods or wildfires. it's built into all living systems from a single cell to dynamic global systems. And none of us would be here if we didn't have it.
But with that said, I wanna acknowledge that our collective resilience is really being challenged and we're learning that resilience is not something that we can take for granted.
Henry: Yeah, I think you're right, Aimee. We really should not take it for granted, and I think nature is even telling us, and scientists are echoing the warnings, you know, that there could be a tipping point for the environment where a downward spiral might happen that could be hard to come back from.
And I think something, something similar to that can happen to us as individuals too. But as we have said all along in Joy Lab, there are also these positive upward spirals that we can encourage and that can help us to reset this natural inborn resilience. And maybe we could even go beyond that natural set point to a new level where, where we're thriving and where the loss of resilience just really isn't even a question.
Aimee: Right. And that's what we wanna talk about really here in this episode. How to protect your resilience, how to get it back if it's been depleted, and even how to grow it to a level you might not have thought you could get to. I know there's a lot written and talked about resilience these days, and I know it's become kind of a buzzword in the science of wellbeing.
So let's first sort of define what we mean by resilience and also why we think, um, so many of us are struggling with it lately.
Henry: Well, I can take a crack at that 'cause resilience has really been central to my work as an integrative psychiatrist. As everybody must know by now, there are many, many people struggling with their mental health these days, probably more than ever before. And unfortunately that is especially true for kids, as we have learned from a number of recent surveys. And this overall change or, or downward pressure on mood is something that I view as a breakdown of resilience. So to me, resilience is this natural ability to face whatever challenges come our way and to deal with them as best we can and to stay, you know, more or less upright as we do. And then if the challenge is so big that it does knock us down, we still have the capacity to get up again and get ready to face the next challenge when it comes because it will inevitably come.
Aimee: Yeah. You know, I think a, a good example of of resilience was how we sort of collectively dealt with the start of the pandemic. You know, there was so little known about the virus and what we could do about it, but the way we responded, actually it was pretty incredible overall. You know, pivoting so quickly from the ways we'd always worked and socialized and even shop for food.
Uh, I thought people held up pretty well as a whole, especially with so much fear and uncertainty happening. Um, as a relatable example, quick story. A friend of ours was staying with us at the start of the pandemic and she came in after being gone for a bit out for a little errand, and she came in wearing cleaning gloves and a mask and glasses.
I was like, where were you? She responded, oh, I just went to the store to grab a bottle of wine. I was like, yeah, glad you wore your hazmat suit. But really I was glad, you know, I thought she should. And I look back at that, that was such a rapid adjustment to a new normal for running errands. And, and we had to do that in so many sectors of our lives.
And I think as that stress has continued, you know, we've, we've had to be on high alert from the pandemic and all the other big issues of the last couple years. I just think we are getting rundown. And a lot of us are feeling really depleted.
Henry: Yeah, I agree. And I've observed that in my work with my patients too. I was pleasantly surprised at how well people seemed to do initially. Um, but you know, things have just continued to happen that I think are wearing people down. So, yeah, I, I have a, a kind of simple metaphor that helps me understand this. Um, and here's what it is. I imagine that each of us has somewhere inside of us, let's say it's in our brain, has this little reservoir and it contains a sort of magic elixir that keeps us resilient.
I, I picture it kind of like a water cooler, you know, an upside down jug, and it's, it's a different size for everyone. In other words, resilience is on a continuum. We each have a different capacity to deal with the things that life throws at us.
Now, I think that there are three primary things that determine the size of this resilience container in each of us. And those are genetics, early childhood, and current stresses. So some people are just lucky. They're, they're fortunate to have this huge capacity for resilience. They were born with healthy genes and their childhood, even if it wasn't great, it was good enough.
And then there's others that aren't so lucky. They might have a family history that's just filled with mental health problems or substance abuse, or maybe they had, you know, trauma early in their lives or simply didn't get enough nurturing when they were young. None of us has any control over these things. We can't yet change our genetics or the environment that we grew up in.
Aimee: Right. You know, and we don't always have control over our stress either. You know, the pandemic is another good example again. But there are so many things outside of our control. And we know, probably, someone in our lives who really, you know, seems to be naturally resilient. But perhaps has faced a bunch of huge personal challenges in quick succession. You know, divorce, work stress, aging parents, loss of a loved one, kids who are struggling. And I think if enough really tough things happen in a short period of time, and there's evidence in the resilience research to say this what's called concurrent stress or chronic stress, it just, you know, it's gonna knock anyone down.
Henry: Yeah, I, I see that all the time in my work. Somebody who has never previously had a problem with their mood, for example, but sometime in midlife or late life, their resilience just gets worn down by too many things coming at them in too short of a period of time.
And you know, no matter how big the container this, you know, natural capacity, it can get depleted. But on the flip side, I also see people whose genetics are really challenging or, or maybe they had a really rough childhood and yet, they are among the most resilient people I know. So the size of this container matters. I mean, who wouldn't want to have a larger capacity for resilience?
But that's not the end of the story. What matters even more I think, is whether you are keeping your container full or at least full enough that you can face your day-to-day stresses without getting sick. And that's what we wanna focus on.
How can we keep enough of this elixir of resilience to stay afloat? And is there a way to stop it from draining out so much? From losing it? Or spending it on dealing with these stresses. And if we have used up too much of our resilience, what do we need to do to replace it? And then there's an even bigger question in my mind, and that is: Is it possible to enlarge your container even now as an adult?
Even with what you're given in terms of your genetics or your early life experiences. So we're gonna dig into how to get more of this magic elixir in a little bit. But let's check in first on the research on resilience, which I think is pretty robust.
Aimee: Yeah, there's, there's actually a lot of great research, kind of will answer some of those questions you just posed there, Henry. Uh, But I really want to actually talk about something called ordinary magic. Particularly since you use that term magic elixir. It's just so perfect. So this term, ordinary magic, comes from, um, Dr. Ann Masten's work. She was a pioneer, is a pioneer, in really resilience research. And Ann Masten has described resilience "as arising from ordinary resources and processes."
Isn't that so boring? Right. That's resilience. So as we said earlier, it's sort of just so natural how systems like humans are built to adapt to their surroundings. It's just kind of that boring, that's how it goes. So Masten used this phrase, ordinary magic, based a lot on one particular study she ran with, uh, her mentor, Dr. Norman Garmezy, like the pioneer of pioneers on resilience research. But this main study, was called the Project Competence Longitudinal Study. And it followed 205 Minneapolis kids and their families for more than 20 years. It started in the late seventies, so the researchers were really looking to understand why some kids would thrive amidst hardship.
What was that secret that those kids had or that super special quality? It's kinda what they went in asking, looking for. And I wanna take a direct quote from Dr. Masten about this study. She wrote: "What began as a quest to understand the extraordinary, has revealed the power of the ordinary. Resilience does not come from rare and special qualities, but from the everyday magic of ordinary, normative human resources in the minds, brains, and bodies of children in their families, and relationships, and in their communities."
A lot of her work was in adolescent development, but you know, this holds true for adults too, right? So the study is really amazing actually, methodologically speaking. But I'll control myself and just sort of focus in on something that came out of this work, uh, and it's called the short list for resilience. So Dr. Masten sort of took stock, later on, um, I think in 2014 or 18. Um, she sort of took stock of the study and the entire resilience literature to create this short list of what are known in the field as promotive and, uh, protective factors or more so functions. You know, they're really just the things that most robustly support our natural resilience.
Some of these factors are sort of squarely in that early childhood bin that you noted before Henry, but many of these aren't limited to that age. So here are the key factors to boost resilience on this shortlist. First, caring family or caregivers; second, skilled parenting; third, connections. So these are close relationships that, you know, foster emotional security and feelings of belonging.
The fourth: emotional and self-regulation skills. Five: self-efficacy, having positive beliefs about ourselves and our identity. Six: meaning making, or tapping into our sense of purpose. Seven: hope, spirituality, faith, uh, and or optimism. So these don't need to be attached to religion or a religious practice, but they certainly can be. The eighth one: routines and rituals.
The ninth: problem solving skills. So really the, the ability to think flexibly, you know, with curiosity to solve problems. 10th one: engagement with a school that functions well. I'll add, that's funded well. The last one: connection with communities that feel safe and that are functioning well.
There's been some other, um, swap outs in the last 10 years or so, but these hold steady. And I think, you know, you can really just take out the parenting and school ones and like add coffee maybe, and you've got the adult shortlist, I think for resilience. But really what I do love about this list is that all of these factors are things that we as individuals and we as communities that want to be resilient, these are all factors that we can influence through policies, interventions, funding, education, you know, and our own self-practice. It's more evidence that our resilience, I think, is natural. But we need an environment, systems, and supports that don't oppress or, or stifle it. And also prop it up when life is rough.
And something I also wanna highlight from this work answers a bit of that question, Henry, about building our container growing our container later in life. And it's this finding of late bloomers, uh, in this study. So these were participants in this study who had this pretty dramatic shift from what looked like they were not doing well, to then moving into this sort of category of adult success. But they just arrived at it later.
And I think the lesson there is that it is never too late to learn the skills or to support others, so that our natural resilience can take the lead. And that's really what we're digging into here. You know, those ongoing strategies that we can practice to support our resilience, even us late bloomers.
Henry: I love that summary of the research, thanks, Aimee. It's just such great stuff. So we want to try to provide you with a roadmap, a model, if you will, for restoring resilience. Now, this is so important that we feel that we wanna try to be really comprehensive because we do believe that resilience touches upon every aspect of who we are as human beings.
Now we don't have time in this podcast to do justice to all of it, so we're just gonna mention some of these factors now and, and just, uh, tell you where you could go for more information.
Aimee: Yeah. So, we call these the Roots of Resilience and you'll see that they really mirror the shortlist as well in many ways.
But Henry wrote about them in his book, the Chemistry of Calm. And so there are seven of these Roots of Resilience and they're divided into three categories, body, mind, and heart. Now we don't really see ourselves divided so robotically in this way, but I think it gives us a simpler way to talk about and sort of understand ourselves.
So the first three roots are those that have most to do with our bodies. We have a ton of information and accessible approaches to address these at NaturalMentalHealth.com. So you can head over there. You can even take our questionnaire to learn your resilience type and get an individualized program for yourself.
But, um, Henry, this is really your jam. So can you just kind of outline the three body roots quickly?
Henry: Sure. So the first is to balance your brain chemistry. Now I'm a psychiatrist and I think that my field of psychiatry might have oversimplified this concept, but I do believe that brain chemistry is important.
I think you could even make a pretty strong argument that the brain chemical serotonin is maybe a big part of that magic elixir of resilience that we talked about. But I think that we should rely less on medication than what we're doing right now to try to manage these brain chemicals. So really our focus at Natural Mental Health is more on giving you what you need to make these brain chemicals through diet and a few targeted nutritional supplements that are really based on your own subtype or your own patterns.
These are called nutraceuticals and they act a little bit like medications, but I consider them to be a lot safer. So the second Root then is to manage your energy. Diet and supplements certainly play a role in this too, but we especially focus on movement and exercise because we think that when you expend energy in the way that's right for your body, then it kind of forces you to become better at making more energy.
And then the third of these physical roots is to align with nature. Now, simply put, we are mammals and like all mammals, we have to live within the rhythms of nature. Now, the most important of these, I think, is sleep, but there are many others and they include hourly, daily, monthly, even seasonal cycles and really even cycles that change over the course of your lifetime.
And we have to learn from nature how to better manage the stress response so that that is just a cycle. It goes up and it comes back down. Rather than being a constant thing.
Aimee: Yeah, I love that. Our natural response cycle. Meaning it recedes. As an aside, I think getting rid of daylight savings time will help us align with nature as well, so that's good news.
All right. The next two roots deal with what we consider to fall into that mind category. Particularly the part of our mind that can cause problems if we don't learn to work with it more skillfully. And that's because it involves our thoughts and emotions. And when they're running rampant, they can drain our resilience reserves. Super fast.
So the fourth Root of Resilience is Calm your mind. Another word for that is equanimity. And we just devoted a whole podcast to equanimity. So, , so left to its own devices, our mind can get really busy.
It's often called monkey mind, because it jumps from one thing to another. And its favorite branches are worries, fears, and regrets. I'm sure we've all hopped on those branches frequently. And those branches sap our resilience and even our joy when we stay there. But our mind can be tamed. This is what we talk about here at Joy Lab.
Um, it can be shaped and with practice, we can learn to reclaim our focus, see thinking for what it is, and take back the power that we have given to our thoughts. And just by stepping back, you know, distancing ourselves a bit from these negative thoughts, we can make a huge difference in stopping that loss of resilience.
Henry: Well, the fifth root of resilience is to turn toward the feeling. Many of us deal with negative, unpleasant emotions. Things like fear, anger, sadness in one of two ways. Either we avoid them or we overreact to them. Neither of those works. In fact, there's something called emotional reactivity. When a person has an overly strong reaction to things that go wrong. And it's one of the strongest predictors for who is going to develop depression in the future.
So the key is to let yourself experience the emotion, but not let it overtake you or get stuck inside of you for too long. And the way to do that is to move directly into it, which seems counterintuitive, I think, to a lot of people. And then to keep your attention on it long enough that you really have a chance to feel it fully and it can work its way out.
Now this takes some skill and it just doesn't come easily to a lot of us. But, with a little bit of guidance and practice, you can learn that there are no bad emotions. And also that none of them last, they are meant to be felt. To be fully experienced. And they're experienced in the body because that's where your emotions really live.
Now I think of this as another example of the middle way that we have talked about before on Joy Lab. There is a sweet spot for emotions, not too little, not too much, right in the middle. And then these emotions act a lot like visitors. Like guests, if you will. We can even welcome them. Give them the attention they need and then when their time is done, we can let them leave as they're meant to do.
Aimee: Yeah. Let 'em leave. Yeah. Developing those skills, you know, working with the mind and emotions. That's exactly the kind of stuff we do in the Joy Lab program. Uh, and it's powerful. I'm clearly a fan. So the final two Roots uh which bring heart and soul into the mix are also core pieces of Joy Lab. And they really change the conversation about resilience. Sort of bringing it into like a completely different level.
Henry: Yes. I think that all the roots we've discussed so far are really about keeping our own small container filled up. You know, dealing with what we're given in terms of genetics, early childhood, current situation.
It just doing the best we can, but it's focused on our small self, if you will. And there is a lot of merit to that. We'd need to do it. But what if we could actually enlarge our container? That just seems like such a key to me. And what if we didn't have to just work so hard our whole lives to take care of our small, personal resilience tank that we're carrying around?
Because we have access to a much bigger reservoir, like an aquifer. Full of this resilience elixir. And I think that's the possibility that these next two Roots open up for us.
Aimee: Yeah, I'm like imagining us turning fishbowls into oceans. You know, why not? We have that power. So the sixth Root of Resilience is cultivate a good heart.
Okay. I know. What does that mean? Here are two perspectives on it that I like. So Pema Chodron said, "this is why to meditate, to have an open, compassionate tenderness to whatever is going on." And from the Dalai Lama, " this is my simple religion. Our own heart is our temple. The philosophy is kindness."
This cultivating a good heart involves opening yourself up. Being more permeable, more vulnerable. And it means cultivating the heart-based emotions, many of which we've talked about on the podcast. You know, compassion, gratitude, loving kindness. So, I mean, really it, it means learning to love well. And we did a whole podcast on that, which I'd recommend checking out or listening to again, even.
And I think what I love about this Root so much is that it's no risk and all reward really. You will never regret putting your time and effort into cultivating a good heart because it always pays off. Like where else can you get that kind of guarantee? Right? And it's, it's not really difficult because it feels so good. And it even opens you up to get the most that you can out of, um, what the final Root of Resilience is.
Henry: Yeah, the final root is create deep connections. Now to me, this is about having really good friendships or a significant other, and you know, personal relationships, but it's also more than that. It is about connecting with a sense of meaning and purpose, connecting with the deeper parts of yourself, and also with something beyond yourself, however you think of that.
If you think about the metaphor, of an entire aquifer filled with the elixir of resilience. I think that cultivating a good heart, which Aimee just described, is a lot like creating a conduit, building a pipeline to access that aquifer. And creating deep connections is where you actually draw that liquid out and you use it.
This might be the single most important thing that we can do for our resilience and maybe for our health overall, is to create these deep connections. We have talked before about neuroplasticity and neurogenesis. The brain is constantly remaking itself, rewiring. Creating new pathways and even creating brand new neurons.
But there's an interesting twist with these new brain cells. They have to grow and branch out and connect to tons of other brain cells, and if they don't, they wither up and die literally. If they don't make sufficient connections, they don't survive. And I think that we are a lot like that ourselves. We have to have many deep connections if we wanna thrive. And it is possible to create them and to thrive even if we have challenging genes or we had subpar parenting when we were young.
Aimee: I mean, that's exactly what the research says again and again for resilience. That shortlist, the majority of those factors had to do with relationship and connections, right? We can all thrive, but we need each other to really do it. So, we've been using this metaphor of the body as a vessel, you know, holding within it this powerful and mysterious, yet ordinary magic that keeps us, um, supplied with resilience.
So I think it's time then to close with who else, but Mary Oliver, uh, who offers such a gorgeous image of what this might mean. I'm just gonna share a second half of a, of a poem of hers called Evidence.
" I believe in kindness also in mischief, also in singing, especially when singing is not necessarily prescribed. As for the body, it is solid and strong and curious and full of detail. It wants to polish itself. It wants to love another body. It is the only vessel in the world that can hold in a mix of power and sweetness. Words, song, gesture, passion, ideas, ingenuity, devotion, merriment, vanity, and virtue. Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.
Henry: Thank you so much for listening and for exploring with us this totally natural, precious commodity that we call resilience. We hope you'll also join us in the Joy Lab program where we guide you week by week to develop the skills you need to live the elements of joy. To fill up your own resilience tank. To access sources of resilience that will never get depleted. And even to keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.
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