Welcome to Joy Lab!: Welcome to the Joy Lab podcast, where we help you uncover and foster your most joyful self. Your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek, bring you the ideal mix of soulful and scientifically sound tools to spark your joy, even when it feels dark. When you're ready to experiment with more joy, combine this podcast with the full Joy Lab program over at JoyLab.coach
Aimee: Hello, I'm Aimee Prasek and welcome to Joy Lab. Here at Joy Lab, we infuse science with soul to help you uncover joy. To do that, we focus on building the elements of joy. Those are the positive emotions and inner states that become the building blocks for a joyful life. The element for this episode is awe.
And we're working through, uh, the seventh aspect of deep listening that Henry noted in his book, the Chemistry of Calm. So this aspect is silence. Probably obvious by now. It's just me, with you today as Henry has taken a vow of silence. Kidding, he has not. He's taking a well-deserved break at Lake Winnipesaukee. If any of you know that reference.
So here with me today, we're gonna talk about silence. And as we've said throughout the last several episodes, so starting in episode 62, actually on these aspects of deep listening, they hold their own. However, it can be helpful to see how they support one another, how they kind of build really, and how you can use them to become a better listener. And not just for others, but also for yourself. So that you can listen more deeply to your own wisdom in ways that support your wellbeing as well.
So let's summarize real quick. Here are the seven aspects of deep listening that we've been talking about: The first is presence, second is attention, and we are seeing innocence, seeing goodness, allowing, and then the last two are wonder and silence. So to explain this aspect of silence as it relates to deep listening, I just wanna read a section from Henry's book here it is: " Allow for silence. It is where much of the depth resides. Notice if you are tempted to fill a silence with words, and instead return your attention to holding the other with an open heart and a calm mind."
Notice if you are tempted to fill a silence with words. That is a common feeling. It's not called awkward silence for nothing. Uh, I really like the wisdom from, writer W.R. Espy who said, " I have nothing, whatever to communicate. Words are the best means of non-communication. I know." So there's something here with silence. It stirs something in us. And when we're not used to it, when we haven't practiced it, it can feel way better to cover silence up with words.
There's a book called The Silences of Science. It's more of a textbook on science communication, which sounds really boring, I know. But really interesting, the authors note that silence is not the opposite of communication or speech, uh, or noise, but it is a constant presence in speech as much as it is an absence in speech.
They write, "silence is more than the absence of noise. Silence signifies." Love that. Silence signifies. That's what we're talking about here. And silence can be a powerful force for creation just as much and probably more actually, uh, than noise. It often sparks wise action, uh, and, and creation, um, that is authentic to us.
To quote the composer, John Cage, who has some essays on silence and has a fairly famous work called "4 Pieces" or "4'33," he said, "everything we do is music." And I, I think he'd agree even when we're silent. I wanna describe actually that piece of music a bit that he wrote, 4'33, because I think it brings up sort of the visceral understanding of silence that we have. I'll put a link in the show notes as well if you wanna actually experience this.
So this was in the 1950s, I don't remember when, but Cage had a collaborator of his to actually perform the piece, uh, David Tudor. And so let's just imagine there's this grand concert hall full of expectations to hear this new piece from Cage.
It's like a Swift Opolis or Bay Day if you're in the 2023 Minneapolis Music scene, everyone is just like waiting for this music to hit. So Tudor enters the stage, takes a bow, and then sits at the piano preparing to play John Cage's piece. And he does like the usual piano preparing tasks, um, like looking very prestigious, shuffling some papers around, maybe putting on some sophisticated glasses, and then, he closes the lid of the piano and starts a stopwatch for 30 seconds.
And then he just sits there.
And then the stopwatch ends and he sets another stopwatch for two and a half minutes. And then he just sits there. And then that time finishes, and then he sits another for a minute and a half and just sits there, never playing a note.
And the time ends. He stands up, then he takes a bow. And so all that was actually being heard during those almost five minutes were sort of the creaking seats. You know, maybe some lonely coughs from the crowd, probably some shoulder shrugging, like what the is going on and you know, soft sounds of confusion.
I think Cage was suggesting, though that the music, when we really listen To it rather than, you know, deliver it or just consume it. But when we stay silent and really listen, it's not just what we're playing or saying, there's so much more to listen to. Like all the time. It's here in the present moment. And not just all the unintended pops of noise or the natural environment, which are part of the music. But there's even more to be heard, like behind the awkwardness, uh, further beyond the expectations, waiting behind the judgment or the insecurities. There is more waiting for us to hear, uh, if we can just be silent for a bit.
Our own wisdom is waiting. The wisdom of those around us. Of course there are times when silence is not helpful or actually harmful. You know, hopefully we have a decision space there. We are not being silenced, so hopefully there's a space there where we can decide, will my silence create a space that is enlarged or generative?
You know, where we might tap into that deeper music, that wisdom, that space of deeper knowledge. Or will my silence, on the other hand, suppress growth. Or will it even oppress? Does silence harm you or the person you're listening to? Uh, or does it harm someone else or a larger group if the context isn't an individual conversation?
Right? So then alternatively, is speaking, uh, dangerous for you? Might you lose your job or even risk your life? It's never so black and white. But even then, even then, to actually make that decision, I think we need silence. We need to step into that more open, calm, quiet space where we can make that decision.
Will choosing silence create something possibly beneficial? I think there are a lot of moments where, yeah, is the answer. Particularly in our world of constant stimuli and communication and consumption. Many of us need silence to tap into our wisdom, to tap into our resilience and our healing.
For me, I've felt that when my own world feels chaotic, distracting, when I feel disconnected, when I feel broken, silence has been one of the most potent and scary tools that I could use to calm my distress and tap into a sense of ease. And peace. And if you can relate with hesitancy or that, that fear, that scariness, that discomfort, that can come in silence, that might be a space to seek out some support, a mental health professional or someone else who can help you explore silence in a way that nourishes you, because I promise it is worth it.
So just a simple challenge that we can all do. That we'll do in our Resilient Community as well is to just "take five" this week. Take five minutes, preferably in the morning to just be with silence.
No devices, no conversations with others. Uh, you could read though, or journal or meditate or draw or walk, just being in silence. The music of the natural world around you to help take you deeper. And to ground you before you start your day. And maybe if you're liking this or more curious, you could continue in the following weeks.
You could even add five minutes in the following week, maybe, maybe five more minutes the next time too. And if you aren't in the Resilient Community yet, come join us for this challenge. You'll help keep this podcast running and accessible to all, and it's a great way to get some extra support as you incorporate
these kinds of small but really powerful strategies into your daily life to fuel your resilience and your joy. So to wrap up our time together, I don't wanna take too long. We're talking about silence. I'm gonna be quiet. So I wanna share a little wisdom though from Brennan Manning. Here it is:
" Silent Solitude makes true speech possible and personal. If I am not in touch with my own belovedness, then I cannot touch the sacredness of others. If I am estranged from myself, I am likewise a stranger to others."
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