Welcome to Joy Lab!: Welcome to the Joy Lab podcast, where we help you uncover and foster your most joyful self. Your hosts, Dr. Henry Emmons and Dr. Aimee Prasek, bring you the ideal mix of soulful and scientifically sound tools to spark your joy, even when it feels dark. When you're ready to experiment with more joy, combine this podcast with the full Joy Lab program over at JoyLab.coach
Henry: Hello everyone. I'm Henry Emmons.
Aimee: And I'm Aimee Prasek. And so here at Joy Lab we use the latest science infused with soul to help uncover your most joyful life. And as you may know, we use specific positive emotions or themes to help accomplish that. So the theme this episode is hope. A bit later, we'll share our thoughts about what we mean by hope, how to cultivate it, and what it has to do with joy.
But before we dive in, I wanna share a quote from Margaret Mitchell, author of Gone With the Wind. I think it frames our discussion well. " Every problem has two handles. You can grab it by the handle of fear or the handle of hope."
Henry: The handle of fear or the handle of hope. Such a great quote. So for many of my patients, and in fact probably most of the people I know in my life, joy is not really on the radar. I think that that is because we so often grab onto the handle of fear without even knowing that we are doing it. Hope on the other hand.
Seems to be a scarce commodity, especially these days. We might hope for a bit of happiness from time to time or hope to get a little bit of pleasure out of our lives, but joy, the kind of deep lasting happiness that doesn't depend on having good things happen to us all the time, that might feel pretty far fetched. But here at Joy Lab, we're trying to keep our hands firmly on the handle of hope.
I would like to share a story that I think puts this into a context that really makes sense for what we're doing here and it goes like this. There's a, a wise old elder who had a grandson, uh, who was about three or four years old, and the grandson just adored his grandfather. So there was a time where he was staying with his grandfather for a few weeks and he just was like a shadow. He watched his every move. He stayed with him, you know, throughout the day, and he noticed pretty quickly that his grandfather had a certain pattern to his day. Every morning at around sunrise, the grandfather would go into his living room, sit in front of a little altar that he had created, and he would take a necklace off his neck and put it on the altar, and then he would close his eyes and sit quietly for a while. When he was done, he would take the necklace and put it back around his neck and go about his day.
And then every day at a round sunset, he would go through the very same ritual. So after a few days of watching this, the little boy was so curious and so he asked his grandfather, he said, Grandfather, what are you doing sitting there with your eyes closed? And what is the necklace you keep taking off and putting So the grandfather takes the necklace off of his neck, holds out this silver pendant for the boy to see, and it is a engraving of two wolf heads. So the grandfather shows it to him and he says, " This is to remind me that inside of me, like all of us, there are these two wolves who are fighting a great battle."
One of them is kind and gentle and the other is kind of mean and, and, uh, selfish and really focused mostly on himself. So the little boy hears this. His eyes are wide. He's of that age where, you know, he's taking this very, literally. Believes in magic.
So he says, Grandfather, which one will win? And the grandfather says, " It's the one I feed the most." And so every morning at sunrise and every evening at sunset, I am taking a few minutes to feed the good wolf. Now, I love that story and to me, it is just very true. Even though it's meant as a teaching story.
But I wanna bring up some neuroscience research that I think has a real direct bearing on this story. So this is, uh, research that came out of a really well known, well respected lab in Madison, Wisconsin at the University of Wisconsin, Richard Davidson. And a few years ago he, uh, he took a group of Buddhist monks who had been practicing for their entire lives, something called a compassion practice or compassion meditation. And he used some technology to measure brain activity, in their prefrontal cortex. So it's been known for a few years now that the prefrontal cortex, which is right behind the forehead, it's divided into two areas, the left and the right prefrontal cortex.
And a lot of experts will talk about the prefrontal cortex as being the part of the brain that makes us most human. That really distinguishes us from other species. It has a lot to do with personality. Um, a lot to do with kind of our essence, what makes us most ourselves. And so we know that the left and the right sides of this part of the brain have totally different functions.
When the left side is more active, we are in a state of greater openness. Uh, we feel more secure. We feel like we can put ourselves out into the world and do so safely. It's almost like it makes us more open and, and maybe more compassionate too. And when the other side, the right prefrontal cortex is the more active of the two, it's almost the opposite. It's like we are in a state of contraction or, kind of closing ourselves off and, and oftentimes there's an element of feeling a little bit of hostility or a little bit of self protection. So it's almost like our ego gets kind of kicked into gear.
Now, it's important to remember, I think, that both of these things are important to us. We need them both. There are times we need to have that self protection and closed ourselves off a bit from the world, but we don't wanna live there. We don't want that to be our the way things are. So back to this research, what they asked these monks to do, is to look at a picture of a little child, an infant who had been born with a genetic deformity. So they, they saw a picture of this child and they were instructed to fill their being with compassion for this suffering child. So ,simple instruction measuring this on this fancy equipment and within moments, this left prefrontal cortex just lighted up for these monks. So much so that the researchers at first thought that there must be something wrong with their equipment cuz they'd not seen anything like this before. So they stopped, they recalibrated, they did it again. Same thing happened. Over and over again with all kinds of different monks.
But remember these, these are people who had been practicing this for years, often decades. they were really, really good at it. So then the researchers took a group of other people much like us, uh, you know, you and I, people who maybe they're good hearted, uh, maybe they're compassionate in their own way, but are not expert at this. And they gave them the same instructions.
Nothing really happened. You know, the left and right prefrontal cortex were pretty much equal. But, with just a little bit of practice, a little training, just a very few weeks of training in this compassion meditation practice, these, regular folk were able to activate that part of their brain that is associated more with openness, compassion, caring for others.
Now, why is that important? For our purposes here, it's important because it feels a lot better to be in that state than it does to be kind of shut down and self protective. It feels a lot better. It's really what we're trying to cultivate here. So in a sense, I think in a very real sense, these two wolves that we were talking about are right there built into our brains.
And again, remember, it's not as if really, one is good and the other is bad, it has more to do with balance. So, the problem is for many of us, the balance is in the wrong direction. The bad wolf, so to speak is the more active, because it's being fed constantly. Listen to the news, pay attention to what's going on in the world.
We are feeding ourselves with fear, fearful thoughts, fearful images, all the time without even knowing that we're doing so. And it becomes a problem when this part of our brain kind of gets locked into this position. It's like it's, it's locked on, if you will.
Aimee: Locked in that on position. I've absolutely been been feeling like this lately.
Uh, perhaps some others can relate and I feel like 2020 and 2021 gave us a bad wolf buffet. And Henry, as you said, there's so much media coming at us daily Much of it is fear based. And also it sort of seems like there's two language settings, I think on, on most news stations and our social media feeds.
It's like cynicism or pessimism. And now I'm gonna, I'm gonna kind of set you up to counter me on on this one Henry, but it feels impossible to overcome sometimes, like hope and joy just aren't accessible at certain times or, or for everyone.
Henry: Right. I totally get that. So at Joy Lab, we have a hypothesis that joy is natural and it's accessible to everyone.
Everyone that includes me and it includes you. If that's true, then why doesn't it come to us more easily? What covers it up? What are the enemies of joy, so to speak? So before we can really grab it by the handle of hope, we have got to see the problem clearly. So here is my simplified understanding of why hope and joy are in such short supply these days.
So I call these the enemies of joy. The first is what I refer to as brain imbalance and toxicity. So this is really about our biology. To some degree, our biology is beyond our control. Genetics. For example, the DNA that we've carried since conception, we can't change that, at least not yet, but we may be able to influence to a surprising degree, the expression of those genes.
And that has at least something to do with this balance that we carry between hope and fear. Another factor that we can't change really is our past, like the environment in which we were immersed in as children. So those foundational experiences in early childhood do set a tone that we tend to carry with us for much of our lives. And it changes our physiology, probably even changes our serotonin levels or the tone and the health of the serotonin system.
But it's important to note that we are not prisoners of our past. People can heal and they do so all the time. Maybe with the help of therapy or through having positive experiences like the practice of self-acceptance or compassion. So we can free ourselves from old wounds, and people do it all the time.
The truth is that there is a lot about brain chemistry and about our physiology that we can control. So for example, by what we put into our bodies or the lifestyle that we choose to live, or how we relate to stress on a day to day basis.
Aimee: Yeah. And there's, there's so much freedom there, I think. I like two ideas that Dr. Bruce Lipton, uh, he's a cellular biologist. He points out, " We are not victims of our genes. We are masters of our genetics." And then another one he says is, "the moment you change your perception, Is the moment you rewrite the chemistry of your body." I think those two, and I'll call 'em truths, , are massively empowering, for me anyway. Depression and suicide run rampant in my family.
So sort of this realization, this freedom in part kind of, let me let go of the handle of fear a little bit. So to speak. Sort of reach out to grab the handle of hope, realizing that there was hope for me. And so I hope those listening perhaps, who have sort of a similar family history of mental health struggles, I hope that you can feel supported by this science of joy, this science of hope. That you might have those genes, but you are more than your genes. So sorry, Henry, I kind of interrupted you here on brain imbalance and toxicity, but, uh, we can dive into these other enemies of joy if you wanna roll into those.
Henry: Of course. Yeah. So brain imbalance is really referring to the body. And the second enemy of joy is more about the mind. It's what I refer to as an unsettled mind. I wanna come back to this in a little bit because I'd like to go deeper into it. So let me just, say a little bit first about that third enemy of joy, which is really at more of a spiritual level. I call this the illusion of separation. So there is a belief that is shared by nearly everyone, that we are separate beings, we're going through our lives essentially alone, reliant upon ourselves in order to survive. Now as you look around you, this in fact seems to be true. We each have our individual bodies, our unique life circumstances, our private interior lives, and people really do struggle when they feel isolated. And we are happier, most of us, when we are not isolated.
We need things like touch, appreciation, meaningful connection that we cannot just get when we're alone. There is a deeper level, however, where this is not true at all, that we're isolated from one another or that we're separate. All the major religions agree that this is nothing more than an illusion. It is an error of our minds.
It's a hard error to let go of because it's so widely shared and reinforced throughout our lives. But that's why we, we keep coming back to this again and again throughout Joy Lab. So back to the unsettled mind where we wanna spend some more time today. I wanna share with you a line from the very beginning of one of the oldest spiritual texts we know of.
It's called the Dhammapada. It's a collection of saying of the Buddha. So the opening lines are: " Mind is the forunner of all things. Begin with mind." Buddhist psychology, as I understand it, has a very simple premise and that is that the source of suffering is attachment. And what that means is that basically we want things to go a certain way, the way we want them to be.
And when they are, we feel happy, at least momentarily. When they're not, we feel happy. We become attached to things being the way we want them to be. So much that our happiness, our very happiness, depends upon it, which is a pretty fragile way to live.
Aimee: I sort of think of grasping as like our, our white knuckle hold on dark shades that we pull around our entire system, right? So no light can come in through those grasping dark shades.
No hope. No joy, we're totally closed off. So, how can we, how can we pull those shades? How can we open up to hope?
Henry: Right? So the way I think of it, hope is a lot more than just wishing for things to be different than they are. Hope is really believing that they will be believing the change is possible. In fact, not just believing it, but knowing it.
Knowing it in our bones. Hope is helped by remembering this, that change is not only possible, it is inevitable. Change is happening all the time to everything, including us. It might not seem that way because we're constantly reinforcing these beliefs that we have about ourselves. So much so that we've kind of created a fixed image or perception about ourselves.
Now, we don't do this on purpose. Generally. We don't know we're doing this. Because, most of us believe that everything happening in our minds is real. We forget that thoughts are just thoughts. They are not true with a capital T.
Aimee: Right? So then sort of the question here is where do we start, right? How do we grab this problem by the handle of hope?
And before you answer that Henry, I wanna sort of say that some of our Joy Lab experiments help us to see that we make these mental mistakes. And there's no good reason to punish ourselves for that. And we also don't have to root those thoughts out one by one. It's not like bad thought, whackamole. We just need to recognize them.
We need to recognize when we're having them.
Henry: Right. That is the key. And you know, I actually think it is pretty simple, but that does not mean that it's easy. Mm. But here's how we can, how we can know when we are doing this, when we are kind of caught up or stuck in our thoughts. We know we're doing it when we feel badly emotionally.
When we have some sort of a negative emotion. So for example, when we feel pessimistic. When we tell ourselves, "Oh, you know, maybe this Joy Lab stuff works for other people, but it's not going to work for me." Well, a thought like that creates a particular unpleasant feeling. It's a feeling that we can take as a signal, a reminder to wake up.
Our mind is making a mistake. So whenever you see this, it gives you an opportunity to stop feeding the bad wolf, so to speak. Now, you don't have to remove the thought. You don't have to fix it. You just need to stop feeding it. And again, you can use that signal from your emotions to remind yourself, again and again, to turn toward hope, to infuse yourself with it.
To feed that good wolf.
Aimee: I love the idea that we don't have to fix it. As a recovering perfectionist, it's sort of nice to loosen up on that idea of trying to fix every problem. We instead feed something else. So feeding that good wolf happens also to be great medicine. And I wanna dig into a little bit of the research on hope and mental health.
And so here are a few nuggets I, I wanna share with you. So folks who are hopeful are more likely to attain their goals. They're more likely to choose and sustain healthier lifestyle habits like, good sleep and healthy eating and consistent exercise. They're more likely to cope with and recover better from illness.
Folks who are more hopeful, are more likely to experience higher life satisfaction and also have a stronger sense of meaning and purpose. And here's one more that I really like. Hope is actually a better predictor of wellbeing than optimism or self-efficacy. So self-efficacy is sort of the belief in our own abilities.
And I also wanna say that it's not like you have to become a hopeful person overnight to get these benefits, right? These hopeful folks in this research, uh, were not in like a perpetual state of hope. They just grabbed onto the handle of hope a little more than the one of fear. And, they practiced it more. So noticing those signals that Henry described, those unpleasant feelings, noticing those a little more quickly with practice. And as we notice and as we practice a little more hope, we build that upward spiral that we talk about here, which is a theory that as we experiment with these positive emotions in our lives, momentum is generated. And it makes the noticing and the shifting a bit easier.
It becomes easier to feed the good wolf. And so even when both wolves are coexisting in us, that momentum continues to build and support our joy until, as you often say, Henry, there is just less room for things like depression and anxiety to burrow their way in.
Henry: That's great. So there is a poem by Rumi that I think is a nice way for us to end today because it sums up the human condition beautifully in just a few lines. Here it is: " Half of any person is wrong and weak and off the path. Half. The other half is dancing and swimming and flying in the invisible joy."
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